Supercommunicator!

I enjoy walking into a bookstore, smelling the coffee from the cafe and browsing around all the new titles searching for my next read. When I saw a book titled “Supercommunicators” it immediately caught my attention. Communicating and creating connections with others is the heart of what I do in delivering software. I need to be able to steer conversations, facilitate them and guide decisions. How can I become better at this? I have on the job experience, however, I feel there is always room for improvement, so what can I learn?

Three kinds of conversations

I learnt that there are three kinds of conversations. In a single dialogue you can move between these different types of conversations.

1. What’s this really about? This reminds me of meetings without any agenda. People showing up to meetings without understanding what it is really about. This is where most conversations start. Understanding what the conversation is about. I feel like this is something I can take away to remind myself to state what the meeting is about.
2. How do we feel? This type of conversation moves into the emotional mindset. The one real takeaway for me is that instead of perspective taking we should instead look at perspective getting. This can be done by looping for understanding. a) Ask Questions b) Summarize what you heard c)As if you got it right.
3. Who are we? The third type of conversation is the social mindset. To quote from the book “emerges when we discuss our relationships, how we are seen by others and see ourselves, and our social identities”.

Miscommunication — different kinds of conversations

What I found interesting is that miscommunication happens when people are having different kinds of conversations. If I am speaking about practical matters but you are speaking emotionally, then we are using different cognitive languages.

Practical Exercise — Have a go?

What I started to do after reading the book is observe conversations and try to decipher what type of conversation is going on. Is it a practical / emotional or social one? It is an interesting exercise that has solidified the different kinds of conversations that go on.

Go get the book!

Overall, this book by Charles Duhigg called “Supercommunicators — how to unlock the secret language of connection” is a must read. I feel like I need to keep reading it over to see what else I can take from it.