What is resilience? Is it OK not to be resilient? Ways to develop resilience.

What is resilience?

Resiliency is defined as —

Adapting well in the face of adversity, trauma, tragedy, threats, such as family and relationship problems, serious health problems, or workplace and financial stressors. It means “bouncing back” from difficult experiences.

Is it OK not to be resilient?

I have mixed views about resiliency. Life is tough — it can have some serious low points and unexpected events. One of those for me was losing my baby girl at 21 weeks during my pregnancy. During this tough time, if someone told me to “look on the bright side” or say “you’ll bounce back”, I would be furious. You can’t just get over these things. For me in these moments, I’ve needed time. Time to process and work through my thoughts and emotions. So I feel with these resiliency tips that I’ll share below is choose the ones that make sense for the situation you are in.

Ways of developing resilience.

These have been taken from a workshop I took quite a few years ago that I have typed up to share with you all. They are the following.

1. Make connections — Personal connections with others are important. Accepting help and support from those that care about you and will listen to you strengthens resilience.
2. Avoid seeing crises as insurmountable problems — You can’t change the fact that events happen, but you can change how you interpret and respond to these events. Try looking at the positive side of events.
3. Accept that change is part of living — Accepting circumstances that cannot be changes can help you focus on circumstances that you can alter.
4. Move towards your goals — Develop some realistic goals. Do something regularly, ask yourself, “What’s one thing I know I can accomplish today that helps me move in the direction I want to go?”
5. Take decisive actions — Act on adverse situations as much as you can. Take decisive actions, rather than detaching completely from problems and stresses and wishing they would go away.
6. Look for opportunities to learn about yourself — Many people who have experience difficult times and hardship have reported better relationships, greater sense of strength even while feeling vulnerable, increased sense of self worth, a more developed spirituality, and heightened appreciation for life.
7. Self talk a positive view of yourself — Developing confidence in your ability to solve problems and trusting your instincts help build resilience.
8. Keep things in perspective — Try to consider situations in a broader context and keep a long term perspective. Avoid blowing the event out of proportion.
9. An optimistic outlook — This enables you to expect that good things will happen in your life. Try visualising what you want, rather than worrying about what you fear.
10. Take care of yourself — Pay attention to your physical and psychological state. Engage in activities that you enjoy and find relaxing. Exercise and diet have a significant impact on resilience.